


too much

by belialsmeat



Category: Half-Life, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Flashbacks, M/M, Monster Benrey, Other, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, They/Themrey, light body horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24638467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/belialsmeat/pseuds/belialsmeat
Summary: benry learns that you can't always escape.a vent fic about ptsd and triggers.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 5
Kudos: 220





	too much

Benry hated themself right now.

They were holed up in the bathroom, curled up in a little ball in the floor, trying not to sob. They felt like the walls were closing in, like their chest was collapsing and like they were going to fall apart at any moment. They could feel their form slipping, new eyes opening and closing, their mouth splitting wider, their nails growing longer and sharpening. They gripped the earflaps of their hat and held it down tighter, rocking back and forth for some semblance of comfort.

All because of one little word. All because whatever movie Gordon had playing in the background while he worked had said that one small, insignificant word that meant everything to Benry.

Passport.

They knew Gordon heard it too. Gordon had tensed and paused in his work, clenched and opened his fists a couple times, adjusted his glasses and refocused himself, albeit with a trembling lip.

Benry wished they had that kind of composure. Instead they announced they had to piss and ran off to the bathroom only to end up like this. They clapped a hand over their mouth as a pitiful sob bubbled out of their throat.

It was beyond embarrassing, they thought, to let a simple, stupid word like _passport_ get to them like this. What were they gonna do if they ever had to take a flight? Be shit out of luck, they guessed.

Why did it make them remember everything? Remember the pain of dying again and again, the emptiness of the void, not being able to feel anything? Remember every single thing they'd had to tough out at Black Mesa, every thing they had to just brush off and laugh when it really wanted to make them break down in tears and screaming fits.

Why did they have to deal with it like this? Normally staying human-ish wasn't even a struggle, but when they heard that word, it all fell to pieces.

Why them? Why did this happen to them?

"Hey." Gordon's gentle voice broke through their incessant thoughts. Benry sat up onto their knees, hands still pressed to the floor to ground them, and turned their head to look at Gordon.

"H- uh! Hey." They hiccuped, wiping at the tears and snot and drool on their face, trying to clean up so they didn't look like a total embarrassment. "What do you want, cringe ass?" They asked, trying to keep their tone as steady as possible.

"You were taking a long time. Plus you left the door open." Gordon stepped inside and stood next to Benry. "You doing okay?"

"What does it look like."

Gordon didn't say anything else, but extended his hand to Benry. They took it and pulled him down to the floor so he was kneeling in front of them.

"How come." They murmured.

"What?" 

"How come you can handle it and I can't."

"Oh…well…" Gordon sighed. "You know I can't either, right?"

"Oh, shut the fuck- you were just fucking fine when I left the room!"

"Yeah, when you left. But after you left, I had to take a break of my own. I had to go take a breather in the bedroom so I didn't fall apart in front of my son."

Benry sniffled. That made them feel a little bit better.

"Besides, Benry. You handle things different from me; that's okay." Gordon said, squeezing Benry's clawed hand lightly. "You'll feel better, it'll just take time."

Benry looked up at Gordon with wide, teary eyes (5 to be exact). That made them feel a _lot_ better. They leaned forward and put their arms around Gordon's neck, hugging him close. They felt themself calming down, their form returning to normal.

"Don't tell anybody about this." They said, removing themself from Gordon.

He laughed softly, taking Benry's hand to help them up. "Our little secret," he whispered, leading them out of the bathroom.


End file.
